Meltdown

Well, I would like to share that I had another of my special rage-filled, cussing, crying my eyes out meltdowns again last night/early this morning. Yep, I totally melted down in nuclear capacity. It was epic. I used to do these things all the time; I think they come mostly from feeling like I am running up (and panicking because I am running up) against The Wall. I used to feel a lot more like this...going on meds and therapy helped as well as getting a little more going for me in life. I went for years w/o a full-on meltdown and even during my Year of Hell (2009) didn't do too much melting down...there was no time or space for that when you are simply trying to survive. But now I've done this twice in as many months and I think it's because I'm flirting with some deep-seated fears. I'm afraid I'm being left alone, left behind and stuck with an epic black hole. This house is just way, way too much for me to deal with, and having some kind of other-imposed freaking time limit just sent me over the edge. I mean Over The Edge. I had to take my car in at 8 this morning (another thrill) so I haven't slept much. I'm going back to bed (ten bucks says as soon as I lay down the dealership will call)and hoping to recover.