Limbo

I am currently in dating limbo. That is, I am not in a relationship, yet I have prospects, one of which is pursuing me rather intentionally. Dating Limbo is scary. I was burned pretty good by my last long-term relationship, but I don't want to be, and don't think I totally am, a person who lets the past control her future. However, I am skittish about dating. Ex-boyfriend confused me (actually, he's still confused himself, but that is another post entirely). I was wonderful and "perfect" (yes, he called me perfect. That should have been a sign) until I started becoming real. When I got sad, needy, less-than-sure of myself, etc, I was suddenly no longer perfect and wonderful, and then he didn't love me anymore. This includes the time when my mother was in the hospital dying for a 4 month period. Yeah, Zorro, I'm gonna be a little screwed up during that time. Hey, thanks for being there for me. Yeah, telling me I need to get my crap together and that I'm selfish for wanting my mom to live was a big help there. Thanks a lot. /sarcasm
Anyhoo, I was ultra-vulnerable with him and was not accepted as such. So it makes me afraid to try it all again. But yet, I want, and think there could be, such a person who sees the warts and all and still loves me. Surely, it's possible. God certainly can make someone like that.
I'm also afraid of losing my time. I'm the type of person who needs a lot of me-time to recharge. That doesn't mean selfish time, necessarily, but I need to be by myself and chill pretty regularly. I'm afraid full-on dating will rob me of this.
And look, I'm 30, and I really still don't know what I'm doing, dating-wise. For all the dates I've been on, it doesn't really get all that easier. It's still scary as heck. Like, what if me and this guy go out and don't click...how to extricate myself? What if I DO like him? What does that MEAN??!?! I am always about sixteen steps ahead of the current situation, planning my little master plans, figuring things out so I won't be surprised when I get there. Maybe that's not how to live.

So tomorrow I guess I call Potential New Boyfriend (PNB). And then see what happens. Or maybe I'll text him. Texting is safer!! LOL