Awkward Sauce

Oh, awkward. Awkward, awkward, awkward! My ex decides to show up out of the blue at the party I went to tonight. He also decided to sit down near me and my friend and sit there, making it so awkward that my usual defense of ignoring his existence was not civilly feasible. So, to keep things polite, I asked him how he was doing.

He then goes into all these questions and comments about how he's talked to mutual friends of ours and all that (hello, dude, I have Facebook, too. Get ova yourself). He starts chatting up my friend (honey, she knows ALL about you. That's a non-starter). Then, after a few times of getting up and walking around, he sits down next to me on the couch, nearly touches me and then tells me all about how he talked to an ex-member of a band we both like. I held a general conversation about said band (while my mind screamed GO AWAY, just GO AWAY) and then he left.

The weird thing is that I almost felt like I could have gone out with him again. I think it's because we were talking music and we always talked best about music. It's an interest for me and a passion for him, and it's how we started getting to know each other in the first place. If I want to talk about music, he's the one to talk to. It's easy, it's uncomplicated, it's neutral. But if I want to have a real relationship, be loved, be considered and treated like a girlfriend/wife, he's not the guy. He made that perfectly clear. I don't care if he did date the Drag Queen, I can tell he's still as odd and backwards (I despise this term for a variety of reasons. But it's so appropriate here) as he ever was, if not more so. No one under 60 is wearing a Dion t-shirt except for my ex.

This, however, has not deterred my plan to look utterly fabulous at this wedding I'm going to to which he also will be there. Yes, I want it to be one in the eye for him. Yes, I want him to look at me and absolutely rue the day I told him to pack it up. At the very least, I want him not to think, Oh, thank God I'm not with her anymore (like I think of him). It's tricky b/c I weigh about 15-20 lbs more than I did when we started dating (although I wear it well) and I'm wearing the dress that caught his eye in the first place three years ago. Part of me wants to just say screw it, who cares what he thinks. But I REALLY don't want him to be glad I'm gone. I want him to know what he's lost and I want him to hurt like I have hurt over and over for years thanks to his stupidity.

I wish to high heaven I had been able to rustle up a date for this shindig. Even if my friend had been able to loan out her best friend like she offered. Something! That would have really set the record straight. The only issue with that is I like another guy who will be there and goodness knows I don't need to make him think I'm any harder to get than I am (boy won't move, no matter what!).

So this is my life. It's been a LONG day. Getting time for bed.

P.S. I got my hair done today. Much blonder than I anticipated, but I like it! I want to do an Old Hollywood thing with it...