I am happy.

Despite it all and everything dark, black and not cool that has been this year, I am happy.

It's only because of Jesus. Seriously.

I feel good. I feel beautiful. I really think I am more beautiful, external and internal, than I was this time last year. I don't mean it arrogantly. I think the girl who has survived (with, and only with, Jesus' help), who is still standing, is gorgeous.

Jesus loves me, loves me enough to come and grab me by the heart and speak exactly to my frustration, my sadness, my confusion. I didn't know why he didn't answer my prayer the way I wanted, and I still don't have that answer. I just know he's still trustworthy and still good and still on my side. He loves me more than any guy ever could, more than my mom ever could.

I like where I am this very minute in life. Is it what I planned? Is it what I want for always? No on both counts, but I feel very content.

I also feel like there is something good on the horizon for me and I am so excited. I am excited to be alive. I am HAPPY!

I pray it lasts. It's only from God, I'll tell you that. Look at my journals and see if this girl has ever felt like that before. It's only from God. I love Him so much. Thank you, Lord. :)